


I can't live without you either

by fmylife42



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Dark Past, Drama, F/M, M/M, Mystery, magor character twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-10 05:31:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12905130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmylife42/pseuds/fmylife42
Summary: what if Jude isn't who he claims to be?





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [who ever the fuck that made me write this story](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=who+ever+the+fuck+that+made+me+write+this+story).



> so i read this fanfic that really pissed me off because the first chapter was really confusing and wierd and the writer said that it will be explained in the next chapter but they never posted the next chapter and i couldn't get the story out of my head so i had to write my own version of it just so i could move on with my life, so anyway enjoy (:

Jude's POV:

"hey boys glad you could make it" Lionel smiled at us. Neither of us wanted to be here but, we had to come for Lionel's sake, she put so much effort in this party.

"We wouldn't miss it" I said to reassure her.   
She kissed both of our cheeks and walked away.

"come on let's get a drink" Gideon said before taking my hand and lidding me to the bar.  
Once we had our drinks at hand, came the annoying part when we had to mingle and talk to rich people about shit that nobody cares about.

A few people began to approach us, and in a few minutes, we found each other in two different sides of the room.

I tried to keep my eyes on the man to whom I was talking to but, my eyes kept drifting back to Gideon, he was so good at this, charming everyone into his will, turning into Zero and putting aside every insecurity he has, I adored that about him, but still, I wanted more people to see the real Gideon, the one I fell in love with, but if I get to be the only person who sees him for he really is, then so be it.

I had to get him out of my head for just a few minutes so I could focus.

I tried looking to the other side of the room to see with whom else I need to talk to, and then I saw her.

Her eyes were glued on me, she wore a tight, red dress and she had a drink in her hand, my heart started racing, what was she doing here? 

I turned back to the conversation, trying to busy my mind with something else, but I could feel her staring at me.

After a few minutes I couldn't take it anymore. I walked up to her, we didn't make any eye contact, there was no need, I knew she was well aware to my presence.

I sat next to her "what are you doing here?" I didn't see her reaction to my question

"I wanted to see you" I got slightly nervous, I knew this was a bad sign "why?"

I could actually feel the smirk on her face "I don't need a reason" 

I took another sip from my drink "why didn't you warn me? You can't just show up like this"

She didn't answer instead she took the last sip from her drink and slipped a note in my jacket "wait a few minutes and then come" And just like that she left.

I took the note out, I held it under the table so no one would see. The note had an address on it. I waited a few minutes and left, completely unnoticed.

The address on the note wasn't very far from where I was so I didn't need the car.

When I got there, I saw a black car parking in the ally. I got into the car, to the passenger sit.

She was sitting beside me. We sat in silence for a few minutes.  
After a few silent moments I felt her hand on my palm, she slipped her hand up my arm, my biceps and shoulder until she reached my face, I shivered under her touch and took a deep breath through my nose.

As her hand reached my cheek, she turned my head so I would look at her. Before I could protest, she locked her lips with mine.

I lost my breath for a second, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and tried to get closer, that's when I caught her hand and pulled away.

I threw her hand towards her, "stop" she looked angry and hurt, her eyes were a little wet but she blinked away the tears. She took a deep breath and didn't let her eyes go back to me.

"what do you want?" her eyes fell to the floor  
"they're on to us" 

If there's one thing I remember about her, it's that, you can never trust her wards   
"us or you?"   
"what's the difference?!" she snapped at me and looked directly in my eyes "I thought we were a team!" I didn't break, I didn't let her wards get to me, not again "I thought you loved me"

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh "I do love you"   
She laughed a little at my wards "right" she looked away "you just love him more"  
I didn't answer, I didn't know what to say, she wasn't wrong, I did love him more, not just than her, more than anybody, and I wasn't going to let her ruin it 

"too bad it won't last" she said with a smirk on her face, she was trying to play with my mind again, I wasn't going to let her "you've been compromised, you can't stay there, they will come after you"

"you're lying!" I snapped.   
She wasn't taken back, instead she just leaned in even more "you think I'm lying to you? I'm the only person in this world you can actually trust "

I tried to open the car's door but it wouldn't open "you're crazy!" 

"listen to me! If you go back there you will die, and so will he! So, you better think twice before you go back to playing pretend like nothing happened!" She shouted at me 

"the only one playing pretend here is you, alright? I have a life here, a really good life, and I am not going to throw it away because you messed up!" I shouted back.

"you have no choice!" before I could speak again she took out her gun and held in front of my face.

I calmed myself down, I wasn't scared of her I knew she would never hurt me, no matter how much she wanted to.

"You're not gonna shoot me, we both know that" she breathed heavily, trying to calm herself down.

"so, I suggest you put the fucking gun down before you'll do something you'll regret on"  
Her breath became slower and slower as she slowly put the gun down. she looked at me with frightened eyes.

"calm down it's all going to be okay" I tried to make her relax.

"now, why don't you tell me what the hell did you get yourself into?"


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for sticking with me :) i truly appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my story <3

Meanwhile in the party:  
Gideon's POV:

I did my best to keep a smile on my face, but the guy I was talking to wouldn't shut up! Lionel said he was some big shot who could get me some big money if I stay on his good side, so I've been talking to this guy for most of the party. I tried to sneak out of the conversation but he wouldn't let me. 

When I finally got out of there after what I think was at least two fucking hours, I started looking for Jude, except that I couldn't find him, the club was huge and there were so many people there.

At some point I spotted Lionel near the bar so I came to talk to her "hey, have you seen Jude?" 

"no, he's probably around here somewhere" she said when she noticed me 

"you're probably right, great party by the way" I said to be polite while my eyes kept scanning the room, looking for Jude.

"oh, thanks"  
she tried to catch my eyes when she noticed I was looking for Jude "maybe he went outside to answer a phone call or something, why don't we look for him there?" I nodded and followed her outside.

We got out and still there was no sign for Jude, we looked all around the club "I'll just call him" 

I took my phone out of my pocket and called him. The call went straight to voice mail "this is crazy, Jude never hangs up on me" 

"relax, let's not jump to conclusions" she tried to calm me down "maybe he's just out of battery" 

I started panicking "that doesn't sound like Jude"

"calm down, let's think, where else can he be?" she asked. My mind started running a thousand sangrias "let's see if his car is still here" I said. 

We went to the parking place and found our car still parking where we left it. "where the hell is he?!"  
-  
Jude's POV:

"I don't understand why you had to drag me into this"  
We were in a small, dark apartment, there were barely any furniture. She was in the kitchen and made something for us to eat

"you awe me remember?" she approached me with a plate that had some weird food on it "hungry?" she offered me the plate.

"I'll pass" I said. She pulled her shoulders and sat down near the table to eat "so what's your plan?" I asked.

She looked at me confused "my plan?" she put the fork she held down and stood up "my plan was to stop us from getting killed!" 

"great and what now?"  
She came closer to me and put her hands on my chest "now we can go back to the original plan, to run away together, leaving everything and everyone else behind"

Her hands kept caressing my chest, I closed my eyes and let out a sigh "Olivia… I …"

"shhh…" she said before she leaned in to kiss me.

I pulled out a second before our lips locked. I turned around so she would only see my back and stepped further away from her "I'm sorry Olivia I just… I can't do this" I said without looking at her.

She came behind me and wrapped her arms around me "yes, you can" she whispered as she kissed the back of my neck.

"Olivia, stop!" I shouted and threw her hands away, turning to look at her eyes as they started to tear up

" I'm sorry, I'm not running away with you. you might have managed to manipulate me back when we were sixteen but not anymore, I'm done hiding, I'm going to tell Gideon the truth no matter what it costs me, even if he won't forgive, I would rather have one percent chance with him rather than a hundred percent chance with you!" 

Her eyes were wet and her whole face was red, I couldn't stop myself from feeling a little sorry, I never wanted to hurt her, but if I have to choose between her and Gideon, then there was no room for debate. 

"fine" she said with a broken voice

"if you want to die for him so much, let's make sure you both get to enjoy your time in hell together"

she turned around and went towards the table. She took the gun on the table "what are you doing?" she seemed like she was going to do something crazy

she went outside and closed the door behind her. I tried to get to her, but she broke the handle before I reached the door "Olivia what are you doing!?" I shouted and knocked on the door as hard as I could "Olivia!"

I heard the car's engine start and then the sound became lower and lower.

"fuck!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hoped you liked the chapter :) let me know what you thought


	3. Chapter 3

Gideon's POV:

Jude has been missing for a few days now. I called the police, no one saw him or heard from since the party.   
I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I was freaking out and I freaked everyone else out.

We were at the police station, Lionel, Pete and Derek were with me trying to calm me down unsuccessfully as I was shouting at some cop "what do you mean you can't find him?!? How can a grown man just disappear?!"

"sir I'm gonna need you to calm down" the officer said "no I won't calm down, my boyfriend is missing for all I know he could be died, and you're telling me you can't find him?! Isn't that your fucking job?!?" 

Pete and Lionel tried to drag me away from him. "we are doing our best, we'll keep looking for your boyfriend but you have to calm down unless you want to spend the night in jail"

My face was all red and wet from tears, I forced myself to get out of the station with Lionel, Pete and Derek following me "zero!" I heard Derek's voice but ignored him and kept walking "zero!" 

He caught up with me and stopped me by the shoulders "listen man, I understand you're stressing out but you need to calm the fuck down, it's not the cop's fault that your man is missing, you need to control yourself"

"no, I can't calm down! I don't care who's fault it is, Jude is missing! So, until I understand what the hell is going on here I suggest everyone just back off!"

I walked away and got into my car, I decided to go see if there's anything in Jude's office that could shed some light on this.

Jude's POV:

I threw myself on the door, trying to break it, with no successes. I started getting some bruises but I didn't care, I had to get to Gideon before Olivia.

I started looking for another way out, all the windows were too small for me to fit in, I scammed the whole apartment.

I got into the back room and found a window that was barely big enough, but eventually I managed to get through the window, but not before I took a gun and hid it under my shirt.

I started running and prayed to god that Olivia didn't find him before me.

Gideon's POV:

I got into the arena looking pissed as hell when Terence walked by me "hey, have you heard anything from Kinkade yet?" I walked pass him, ignoring his quotation.

I got into Jude's office and started going through his stuff, his emails on the computer, maybe he talked to someone before he disappeared, but I didn't find anything.

God dammit! I hate this! Where is he?!?! I was so upset, I started throwing and breaking the stuff on Jude's desk.

I fell on the floor with my back leaning on the desk and buried my head between my hands, as my eyes filled with tears.  
-

After a few minutes, I made myself get up, I whipped the tears and headed out.

Asha stopped me before I got to the entrance, she must have noticed my appearance because she asked "hey, how are you feeling?" with her pity voice.

I was about to answer her when the arena's door was slammed shut and I heard a woman's voice shouting "hey, Zero!"

I looked up and saw a tall brunet woman, aiming a gun at me.

I have never seen this woman before in my life and now Jude is missing and a strange woman is aiming a fucking gun at me! What the hell is going on?!

My body started shaking, she looked angry, I was sure she was going to shoot me, I closed my eyes, preparing for what's coming when I heard Jude's voice, my Jude.

"Olivia, stop!" I looked up and saw that Jude was holding a gun too, aiming for the woman's head. "Olivia don't do this" Jude said to the woman "please!"

People started showing up in the main hall, trying to understand what was going on.

The woman's eyes were glued on me, even when Jude talked to her "Olivia put the gun down or I swear to god…"

"or what?!" the woman cut him in the middle of the sentence "or you'll kill? I'm the only person in this world who knows you, I am the only person you can trust, the only person who loved you when no one else would!" the woman shouted at him.

Who the hell was she? What was she talking about?! I tried to understand Jude's body language, he was stiff and cold, he kept his eyes on the woman, showing no empathy

"you are not going to shoot me" the woman said. Jude stayed in his position "you don't have a clue what I'm capable of" Jude answered her.

"I'm calling the police" Asha said and took the phone out of her pocket   
"no! don't call the police!" Jude shouted and aimed the gun at Asha for a second, before he understood what he was doing and aimed it back at the woman.

Asha lifted her hands and slowly put the phone away. 

I had to talk to him "Jude, what the hell is going on?"   
He didn't answer, just stared at me like he has no idea what to do. He tried to look tough, but I could see he was scared. 

"that's the guy you're willing to die for?" she looked at me up and down "what a waste"   
"he is cute though. A shame he has to die" 

"Olivia, I don't want to hurt you!" Jude was shaking.

"OLIVIA!"

The next thing I know, I heard a gunshot.

I closed my eyes and prepared for the pain but I never felt the bullet.

I opened my eyes and saw the woman lying on the floor, died, and Jude standing above her, shaking, with wet eyes, staring at the woman's died body.

There was a weird silence in the room everyone was too shocked to speak, it took a few moments until I managed to look at Jude in the eyes "Jude?" he slowly lifted his head to look at me 

"what the hell?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading :) tell me what you thought about the chapter


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter you guys! enjoy :)

Jude's POV:

We were in my office, I was sitting on the couch and Gideon was standing in front of me slightly leaning on the desk, he couldn't even look at me, his eyes were glued to the floor. 

"I understand you're confused…" I started talking, I had a hard time trying to figure out what to say "I swear I can explain everything"

He stayed really quiet for a few moments until he finally spoke "who the hell are you, Jude?" his voice was soft and quiet.

I looked down on the floor and closed my eyes "my name's not Jude" once I said that Gideon's eyes widened in surprise, the look on his face almost broke me to pieces, I couldn't look at him for more than a second.

"It's Matthew, Matthew Lewis" I raised my head to look at him. I sigh, I didn't know what to say so, I decided to just start from the beginning "when I was six years old I lost both of my parents, I was wondering in the streets alone until a guy named Joseph took me in. he gave me a place to sleep in, barely enough food to live on and taught me how to get what I want, in the beginning it was just small stuff, stealing things from people's pockets and stuff but at some point Joseph started working with some dangerous people and got himself into trouble, he kept asking for more, I started robbing houses, I was pretty good it actually, and that's when I met Olivia, she was an orphan like me, Joseph took her in too, and asked me to train her, work with her so we would get more money, faster. We were a team she and I, we never got caught, she said that she loved me and that she would do anything for me and I believed her.

The more money we brought, the less Joseph looked at us, if we didn't give him everything he wanted he got violent and angry, he wouldn't feed us for days.

one day, Olivia and I decided to split up, I went to do a job myself. It was nothing too big nor dangerous just a regular robbery, nothing I haven't done a thousand times before. I was sure the house was empty, I got in and started putting anything that looked expensive in a bag when something heavy hit my head and I fell on the floor unconscious.

I woke up on a bed in the same house, I wasn't tied up to anything and nobody called the police, I saw a kid, about the same age as I was, that kinda looked like me, sitting on the side of the bed, turns out that kid was Jude.

He asked me who I was and why was I there, he wasn't scared at all, he seemed more worried than scared, I asked why he didn't call the police, he said that I didn't seem like a bad person, just a kid who could use some help. I trusted him, I told him about everything that happened, I told him that I couldn't go back empty handed, so he brought me his mother's jewelry box, it had like three thousand worth of jewelry.

Since that day Jude and I became best friends, I came to visit him every day, he told me all about his life, about school, about his father, and how much he wanted to meet him, how he abended them.  
I decided to tell Olivia about Jude, and she didn't like it, she told me it was dangerous, she said Jude would never understand me like she does, but I didn't listen to her, I kept seeing Jude, kept telling him everything. One day, Joseph found out about Jude, he was mad, he didn't believe Jude would keep this a secret, so he burned his house.

With Jude and his mother still inside.

I was furious, I finally had the courage to confront him, I wasn't a kid anymore, I came to him and let all my anger out, that's when I found out, Olivia was the one who told him about Jude. I don't know what came to me in the moment, I was filed with anger, I took out my gun and put a bullet in his head.

When Olivia got there and saw what I did she said that I had to run as far away as possible where no one would find me, but I had a better idea.

Jude was the same age as me, he looked like me and barely anyone knew him, his father had no idea how he looked, and I already knew everything about him anyway.

I faked my death and made everyone think that Jude made it out alive and that it was me that died in the fire.

I was eighteen when it happened so after what happened I moved to LA and went to the college Jude got in to, and started working at the agency as Jude Kinkade. Fast enough I was just used to being Jude, nobody knew who I really was and when people asked about my past I just told Jude's story, until I started believing it myself.

And then I met you" I looked at Gideon, who's eyes were tearing and he looked like he was freaking out "and all the pieces started falling into place.  
The only person who knew the truth about me was Olivia, she tried to reach me but I was still mad about what she did to Jude, I never wanted to see her again. Until a few days ago when she showed up in the party, she threatened me, she said that she will tell everyone the truth if I won't come with her.

apparently, she got herself into trouble with the people Joseph used to work with and she wanted me to run away with her and when I refused she lost it and came here."

He was quiet, too shocked to say anything, I looked him in the eyes and the look on his face made me start crying in a minute "Gid… I…. " I tried to talk but I was out of wards. 

He could barely look me in the eyes, he was freaking out, he started shaking and breathing fast "I think I'm gonna be sick" he whispered before he stormed out.

I didn't know what to do, I couldn't just let him leave, I got up and went after him "Gideon!" I tried to get his attention "Gideon!" I reached him and turned him around so he would face me, he tried to fight me off but gave up pretty fast

"Gideon please… I…" he looked at me with so much anger and sadness in his eyes I felt awful, this was exactly what I tried to prevent "why didn't you tell?" he whispered.

"I just… I don't know" he rolled his eyes and turned around, trying to get away from me but I managed to get to him "wait Gideon, please just…" he tried to push me away from him but I didn't let him.

"After all this time!" he shouted as he pushed me back "all the bullshit you said to me about being honest and open!"

"I had no choice!" the wards almost got stuck in my throat 

"I trusted you!!" his face turned red, I've never seen him this angry, I didn't dare say another ward.

"I told you things I have never told anyone, I told you every dirty secret I had, I felt safer with you, more than I have ever felt with anyone!" 

His face suddenly turned from angry to sad "and I don't even know you"

My whole face was wet from the tears, I felt so helpless I had no idea how to fix this "Gideon please…" I whispered as I closed the space between us "please, you're everything I have left"

I leaned down so our forehead would touch and held him strong and close "please don't leave me, I love you, I swear to god Gideon I love you, everything I said to you about us, about how I feel for you… that was never a lie, I swear, I just… I was so afraid to lose you, I don't think that I can live without you… "

I brought my hand to his face and cupped his chick "please…" I closed my eyes and tried to keep him close for as long as I could.

He was still shaking and still angry but he didn't let go of me, instead he wrapped his arms around me and brought me in for a hug.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, in those minutes I thanked to whatever superior power that gave this man the strength to forgive me. 

Once we pulled away we still held each other, he sighed and calmed down, we were both still shaking and scared but he didn't seem very angry anymore, I knew how hard this must be for him, I have never adored him more than I did at that moment

"so… what are you going to say to the police?" 

I didn't even think about that yet, I had no idea what to do "if the world will know the truth about me, I'll be better off in prison, a lot of people won't be so relieved to hear I'm alive " 

He took a few steps back and tried to think "well then, here's what we're going to do."

"You don't know this woman, she came here, aimed a gun at me and you shot her to save me end of story" I was shocked by how easily he was willing to lie for me.

"what about everyone else who saw what happened?" I asked 

"we'll think of something" he looked down for a second and took a deep breath 

"look Jude… Matthew I… I don't know how much I can trust you right now but… if you really are the man I fell in love with than your past doesn't matter I just wish you would have told me this earlier, you know I wouldn't tell anyone"  
"I know, I… I wasn't afraid you would tell anyone, I… I was afraid that once you knew the truth you would leave me, I mean… I wouldn't blame you, this is a lot" 

He laughed a little "funny how the wheels turned, do I really need to give you the same speech you gave me?"

For some reason a smile started forming on my face, Gideon smiled back to me "what?" he asked, I just stared at him with red, loving eyes "I don't deserve you"

"where do you find it in yourself to forgive me?" this might have been a stupid quotation but, I couldn't believe he could forgive me for something that I couldn't even forgive myself for.

"This might come as a surprise to you" he smiled "but I can't live without you either"

The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well I know this was a bit much for one chapter... i will never look at jude the same now  
> hey! maybe now i can finally let go of zude :) ... who am i kidding i will never let go of zude.  
> i don't know about you guys but, even if zude isn't coming back in season four i'm gonna keep zude alive, this fandom ain't going no where!  
> new fanfic coming up in a few days... i'll try to make the next one a little more cheerful and much less complicated i swear :)

**Author's Note:**

> i hoped you liked it next chapter will be posted tomorrow. if you're confused don't worry it will all be explained in the next chapters I promise!


End file.
